As a young girl, I never had that rush of a crush that others seem to fondly recall. You know what I'm talking about, right? Let's see...there was David Cassidy, The Hardy Boys, and my sister even got dreamy over Ralph Macchio, from the Karate Kid. I'm sure I delighted in seeing them on the screen, but don't have memories of feeling giddy or titilated at the mere mention of their name. I think I missed out, and actually, there is some little girl sadness in that. Isn't that a part of growing up? Isn't that some sort of rite of passage? No band, no character in a book, nor actor on screen or bubetube ever held me or had me at hello. Until now.
Hello, my name is Chrissy and I'm a Twilightaholic. It is my addiction. It is my rush and my adrenaline high. It is what got me to read four books the weight and size of Mt. Everest in less than two months (and I don't read). It is what got my daughter who is 8, saying things like, "Mom, I've never seen you like this!" or "I didn't know someone could read that much in one day!" It is what got my husband to endearingly refer to my distraction as my "date with the Cullens". (I'm so grateful to him for his understanding. Thanks, honey).
I now have a complete and empathetic understanding of those afore mentioned crushes I couldn't relate to. When I see one...a vampire that is, (I'm laughing outloud at myself right now) I have to catch my breath. My heart goes a flutter and honest to God, I feel giddy. This...addiction, is comparable to nothing else. I have nothing with which to say, 'it's like this..' or even with which to underscore it. And before I completely gross you out further, let me make it clear that this pull is not to one particular vampire. I am not giddy about Edward (Robert Pattinson to those virgin Twi-lighters who from now on I will fondly call Twi-virgins) or Jacob (Taylor Lautner)necessarily, or even with the Cullen clan as a whole unit, though it is impalpable the obsession I have with them. My attraction that enduces the Cullen Coma is to the undeniable love story of it all. What can I say? I am a sucker for the romantic...for "chick flicks", and no one can argue that the Twilight Saga altogether encompasses the modern day Romeo and Juliet and is, without a doubt, the epitome and end- all-be-all of chick flicks.
The evolution of the Twi-Mom in me is the fault of my besties~ you know who you are. At 39 years of age, I was introduced to the phenomenon...to this fantasy world of vampires, with their plea and urging to read the books so that I may be caught up before seeing Breaking Dawn wih them on an upcoming Moms retreat in Indiana. I literally laughed in their face. "Do you not know me? I do not read books..." I had hoped I could get the Twilight for Dummies, but no such luck.
Instead, my beloved husband found Eclipse (book #3, Twi-virgins) on direct tv about a week before so that I could pseudo be acquainted with this now four-year epidemic. Watching it, I had mere recollections...bits and pieces of New Moon(#2) that I had not remembered watching a few years back. But that was all I could find in my subconscious; fragments....slight variations in my mind of who Bella and Edward were.
I am not ashamed to say it, I was drawn in. It captivated me. With no prior history or connection to these beautiful characters (insert your gag here) the pull had begun. The dust drizzled on me with some spell left in its wake. They had me at hello. Reeling in the entanglement the emotions and facets of this powerful love story have, I was hooked. No one was more surprised by its magnetism than me.
And so it began... just days later, I heard on the radio Christina Perri's "Thousand Years", and it wasn't until recently that I found out it had been written as an omage to Edward and Bella with her own fascination in their love story guiding her years ago. I literally quaked in the goose bumps that flowed through me as if I myself had been captivated and conquered by Edward's intense love. And yes, I cried. Hearing the lyrics and thinking of my own soulmate and Bella's, validated my own obsession and my need for more. It was then my excitement for the movie catapulted in mere seconds.
November 19, 2011. Indiana. Mom's retreat. Breaking Dawn. Spellbound. Ecstatic. Captivated. Electrified. Solidified. The turning point on my road toward Twi-momhood. Before returning home from the retreat, bestie #2 handed me the first three books. I remember thinking it would take me about a year to read these just in time for Part 2. Two days later, in awe of the attraction and completion, I finished. "Twilight"...where it all began, and by "IT" I of course mean the saga and its courtship with me, imprinted.
Chaos ensued and before long, I had completed the rest of the loaners, enthrawled my 8 year old with the vampire world (don't worry, I have not let her watch or read them ), sought out every possible youtube trailer of all four movies and added "Breaking Dawn" to my Christmas wish list. To my delight, my daughter delivered and I am now the proud owner of the final book and a Twilight 2012 calendar to boot. Who could ask for more?
As if the other three books weren't addicting and powerfully enticing enough, I literally could not put down Breaking Dawn. The naysayers of books-gone-Hollywood are spot on and I couldn'tve imagined being more delighted in the juiciness of literature than while sinking my teeth into this book! For two days after Christmas, Mommy was MIA. Tucked away in blankets, hiding in the solitude of the bathroom, and hip-glued to this massive text, I was nowhere if I wasn't with my Cullens. Again, I here insert gratitude to my family for their patience and tolerance of my addictive behavior and absence.
If you're still reading this and not disgusted, here it is...my humble explanation and theory behind this addiction I and so many others, share in crazed corners of the world.
I am a girl. I am a girl who believes in love and who looooves fairytales mixed beautifully with a soiree of sadism in the dark undertones of a good "good vs. evil" plot. I am a hopeless romantic with little girl dreams that still pop up now and again about a boy swooping in and saving me. Every feminist on the Earth hates me right now, but it's true. I've wanted nothing more than to have that boy look at me the way Edward looks at Bella. And listen, I have that man. I married him. No, he's not a vampire, but he looks through me into my soul the way our beloved vamp guy sees Bella. Maybe I can relate. Okay, not to her absolute sacrifice to give up her soul to become like him and be with him forever, but I can understand it. If you have the feeling inside like I do, and you have that person you want to spend the rest of your life with, isn't there some small piece of you that wishes you too, could have eternity with him at no expense?
There is power in what Edward and Bella share. There is power in what Bella and Jacob share. Mix that with the drama of villains, lust, loyalty, fantasy, special effects and Hollywood and you've created something that won't go away. At least not for the next 10 months. And let me tell you, for that I am thankful.
And so I, like millions of Twijunkies, sit and wait with anxious anticipation and delirium for our beloved characters to resume their position on the big screen and share with us the unfolding of Hollywood's version of the conclusion to Breaking Dawn. I will effortlessly dream about what it might entail, maticulously research its trailer debut, and laugh at myself for this incredulous and ridiculous behavior. In the meantime, I will admit this: I miss my Cullens and I have nothing else left than to delve deeper into my addiction by finding endless Twilight Saga shit on youtube and tucking myself away with the movies and books just to be close to them once again.
Having written that last line, I am certain of two things. I am a Twi-Mom and I need a Twilightvention. Fast.